Plumbing

Every time I take on another plumbing project – and there have been many, in my years as a homeowner – I question my own sanity. Why would someone voluntarily subject himself (I identify as him) to such a torture? Either you end up with a leak or you worry that you will discover one later. You make countless trips to Home Depot – or worse, shop online for the more unusual, specialized fittings that aren’t available locally.

There are plumbers in this world. People who are trained and experienced.

And they cost money. And they chip away at my illusion that I can do everything myself.

So I dig out my basic tools, clinch my teeth, and remind myself of the 4 basics of plumbing, basic principles that were handed down to me many years ago:

1.     Shit flows downhill.

2.     Payday is on Friday.

3.     The boss is a sonofabitch.

4.     Don’t bite your fingernails.

Life-Changing Decisions

I shaved this morning. Retirement means not doing that every day, so a can of shave gel lasts quite a long time. This morning the can felt quite light and I resolved to get a new can.

Amazon has been my go-to for most shopping, but I have been feeling guilty about putting the mom-and-pop stores out of business. For shave gel, I decided to go and see Mom and Pop Walgreen. When I found the Shaving Needs aisle, I saw Edge brand cans. “Edge,” I thought, sounded right. I think what I’ve been using is Edge.

 

But wait – which Edge?

There’s Extra Moisturizing. Is my face too dry? Do I need that? There’s Soothing Aloe. Maybe I need that. There’s Extra Protection. Sounds good. I think. Protection from ....... from what? There’s Ultra Sensitive. I know I’m sensitive – I choked up at the end of Jerry Maguire, but Ultra? I don’t know. Last in the row is Sensitive Skin. Plain old Sensitive – not extreme, not Ultra. That’s probably for me. Of course I have to give up the moisturizing, and the Aloe, and the Extra Protection (from the Mob?). 

 

There is an 800 number on the back of the can. I called it. After maneuvering through several menus, I get a customer service rep. I ask for help deciding what level of moisture/protection/sensitivity is right for me. Maybe they offer a consulting service for that.

 

Well, they don’t. I’m on my own.

 

I bought an electric shaver.

Going Postal

Just got a new Visa debit card from Together Credit Union.

Sticker said:

“To ACTIVATE your card and

CHOOSE a custom PIN, call

TOLL-FREE 1-800-631-3197”

 

So I called that number and then jumped through some hoops like “What’s the card number?” and “What is your date of birth?” and stuff like that. Mechanical voice told me card is activated. Call disconnected.

 

But my custom PIN had not been defined, so I called the 800 number back. Jumped through many of the same hoops. Finally got a human. Stated my mission. Was told I gotta call a different number to set up or change my PIN.

 

That different number was 877.325.2848, and I called it. More jumps through more hoops. Finally got a human. Stated my mission. Was told I gotta call a different number to set up or change my PIN. And YES, I did just copy-paste that last.

 

That different number was 888.325.0083, and I called it. More jumps through more hoops. Never got a human. Automated voice said that service was not available. Said I should call my credit union. Which is closed for the evening. Or maybe it’s closed to protect the staff from agitated consumers of their defective services.

Brain Deformation

 

CT Scans of same head (mine), taken 2 weeks apart.

Please understand that in the medical industry things are always backwards. That is why the image on the right was taken Feb. 15 (before treatment) and the image on the left was taken March 1 (13 days after treatment). That backwards obsession also explains why the left side of the brain appears on the right side of the images. Got that? There could be a pop quiz. Also, just so you know, the view is from the top of my head, with the back of my head shown on the bottom of the images.

In normal brain images, the left and right sides are mirror images of one another; the brain appears symmetrical. These images are obviously not symmetrical. If you compare the darkened area in the upper right - which is the left side of the brain - you will see more dark area in the "before" image. What makes the image darker is blood, and there is a lot less of it in the "after" brain.

The center of the brain, where you see something that looks like a pair of socks, is supposed to be symmetrical as well. The "after" image gets a lot closer to being a mirror image.

Theoretically, as the amount of blood in my skull dissipates, the left and right hemispheres will return to fairly symmetrical shapes and I will have more normal thought processes (insert your own joke here), balance, endurance, etc. I'll be getting another scan on April 7 to measure progress. Meantime, I will try to somewhat follow the doctor's orders to take it easy but not too easy.

Not COVID

I started having headaches in late December. I thought it was COVID. I was wrong.

There is a water heater exhaust pipe going to the roof, and the bottom of the pipe hangs down a couple inches below the top of my head. I walked right into the pipe around the middle of December, hitting my head pretty hard. That's when the trouble began, but of course I didn't know it.

At my February 4 "Wellness" physical exam I told my primary care physician about the headaches. Also the fuzzy thinking. Also the substandard balance. She ordered a brain MRI, which took place on the 15th. This is what it showed:

The left image is top view of the skull. The right image is front view. Right is left, left is right. The white stuff on the right (actually on the left) is a pool of blood, which had been collecting for 2 months, called subdural hematoma. It ain't good. There is a fair amount of blood accumulated - a max thickness of 2.2 cm (7/8 inch, for you metrically challenged folks). No wonder my brain isn't working right.

Next day, the good people at Barnes-Jewish Hospital sent a catheter loaded with some kind of glue into a blood vessel in my groin. It's a new procedure to treat subdural hematoma. The glue gets deposited in the middle meningeal artery (MMA), called (embolization). Barnes is the only place in St. Louis where this is done.

The theory is that the glue stops the bleed, and then over the next few weeks the body re-absorbs the pooled blood. To verify that this is happening, I am scheduled for a head CT on March 1.

I will be very interested to see what the CT reveals.

Meat Loaf

Meat Loaf has been dead for four days, so it's about time I wrote something about the dude.

It will take a few years for someone to write the screenplay, and someone to raise the money to make the biopic about Marvin Lee Aday. Wonder who will play the leading role? No doubt Tom Hanks will do it. He'll gain 150 pounds and shave 35 years off his face. He'll have a vocal chord transplant. He'll win another Oscar.

If there is anyone left on Planet Earth who hasn't seen Meat Loaf's music video "Paradise By the Dashboard Light," or maybe it's been some time since you watched it, here is a link to YouTube: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C11MzbEcHlw

Now and then an artist will capture my imagination because they did something unique and did it well. Meat Loaf was one of those.

People get old and die. Mostly that doesn't bother me, but now and then...

Don't Look Up!

 Netflix movie "Don't Look Up" has a bunch of A-list actors in it. The premise, as I read it, is that a comet is on a collision course with Earth and nobody seems to give much of a shit. Sounded stupid, but then DiCaprio, Lawrence, Blanchett, Hill, Streep, et al made me watch it.

Sounded stupid because it is stupid.

It's a disaster movie. And it's funny as hell. Total sarcasm, heaping scorn on world leaders who can't be bothered with saving the world if there is a buck to be made ignoring the science. Heaping scorn on those who blindly follow said leaders.

Stupid movie. I loved it.