Barbra Streisand

People are people. No matter where in the world you go, people are pretty much the same. 

Except they aren't. 

New Zealanders have the standard number of arms and eyes and testicles and whatever, but they are a tad different from Americans. We are finding less graffiti and less litter and more kindness and more cordiality and less baseball knowledge down here.

I have been some places where people are phony-nice to the American tourist, and I see right through that. This isn't that. They are just a bit more .... bloody civilised 'round here. 

Please forgive the obscure reference to Ms. Streisand.

You see? Only a few days here, and I am already saying things like "please" and "thank you." I have not told one bloke to bugger off!

Rules

Somewhere above the Tasman Sea aboard Qantas 145 between Sydney and Auckland: The headphones only worked for the right ear, so I turned the volume up, trying to drown out the engine and wind noises. On the video screen, a  documentary  on (lack of) modern manners sounded interesting, and probably would have been had I been able to understand at least 51% of the words. The background noise, the Aussie accent (these people talk funny!), the half-active headphones, and my age-appropriate hearing loss all conspired to sabotage the experience. After 3 minutes, I ripped the headphones off and tried to asphyxiate myself by wrapping the cord around my neck. A flight attendant sternly reminded me that suicides are not permitted on eastbound flights while the window shades are down. Shit!

Rules. They suck.

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It's Different Down Under

We have been in Australia for just over an hour, so I don't know all the differences yet -- but I have learned that infants don't get strapped into special seats in cars here. Their mothers carry them around in fur-lined pouches just below their belly-buttons.

Strange place, but the natives seem friendly so far.

Crossing the International Date Line

We just landed in Australia, and the clocks are all screwed up. Time here is allegedly 10:02AM on Tuesday October 14, but that is not possible under international law. Methinks the Y2K team had something to do with this.

L.A.

Qantas 108 is starting to board passengers to Sydney. We will connect with an Air New Zealand flight to Auckland. That will take place in 274 hours, more or less, and we will begin our tour Down Under.

Today I got to visit a little bit with Gary Morse, a dear friend from long ago. He lives in the LA area and is recovering from a nasty mesothelioma surgery and radiation treatments. A sobering reminder of how fortunate I have been, enjoying good health.

I may drink heavily on this flight. Nobody gets arrested for that, do they?

Fun!

It has been 3 hours since "wheels up" leaving STL. Only an hour left on this plane; we land in L.A. and seek luggage, rental car, Sheraton, food, and alcohol -- not necessarily in that order.

The past 180 minutes have been somewhere between miserable and torturous. I could not stay awake, but I couldn't stay asleep. My head won't stay back on the headrest when I sleep. It falls forward and wakes me up. My bladder finally rescued me from the head-bob shuffle, and the woman in 23D barely betrayed her hostility as she unbuckled and stood to let me go drain the snake.

Flight attendants of indiscernible genders and ethnicities just reached Row 23 dispensing drinks. As I considered my Coke-wine decision, the pilot announced "Prepare for landing," which Flight Attendant B quickly followed with (looking straight at me) "Sorry!"

Fun. Everyone told me to have fun. I intend to start any minute now.